From Where I Stand

I took the leaves out of the kitchen table.
Lately, there have only been three of us at dinner.
Usually, during the daytime, 
there are only two of us.


After an extremely hectic summer, 
things are skidding to a slow walk.

There is a new reality being forged this year.

I knew it was coming. 
I've tried to prepare myself. 

Thoughts are still jumbled and clarity is still being sought.  
There have been so many major life events all jammed into small time frames.  
How does one deal with everything that comes with such a rollercoaster of events and emotions?

I'm still trying to figure it out.

I haven't written anything for this blog in a year. I'm not sure why.
 Perhaps, the thoughts won't settle long enough to capture them. 
Or maybe they do, and I don't care for them.

Midlife is not at all what I thought it would be. 
I was sure I'd be more sure of what I was doing by now. I suppose with every new season, there are expectations and some of them surprise us.

When reality crashes headlong into 
expectations we sometimes get knocked down.
 I've been watching some folks get knocked down with some
 very serious life-altering situations
 and yet they get back up with the help of others and a stronger faith and deeper knowledge of God and His infinite lovingkindness.

Along with contemplating the results of my life's work, I am trying to develop new discipline in long neglected areas of health and fitness.  

I'm looking back at some favorite hobbies and realizing that I will have time to develop them into more than just hobbies. 

No matter where you are on your Life Journey, some things do not change.
 Each of us is given one life. 

Each life impacts and influences others 
...for good or ill. 
Learning from the past but living in the moment is the healthiest way to live. 
Each breath from God is a gift and He deserves the glory. 

It's That Day Again...

Okay, Okay, Okay...

I haven't written anything since June...

it is now September...

And since I have proved that I can read a calendar, I had planned to come over here and cheat by just using this post from five years ago.

Because, today is "that day".

shhhhh...

Milestones in the Journey

Since my disappearance from the blogosphere, 

I have passed a few milestones.......

Not in order of importance, 

 nor even chronology....

the real you

One of the most difficult 

things to remember is 

that each person is 

a unique and distinct being. 

We seem to spend an enormous amount of time and effort seeking to be like everyone else 

and then feel dissatisfied. 

In the midst of trying to fit in with the crowd,

 we yearn to be unique.....

when you want to disappear.........

I have wanted to disappear.

Into the mist.....

Out of my troubles.......

Turn inward. 

Focus on only the necessary.

Leave these virtual pages 

as sort of a phase I went through...

a whim...

something I could not complete.

What Does Age Have to Do With It?

     The last few weeks have been very hectic in my household. 

I mentioned earlier that my children were participating in co-ops this year and that this was really something we had not been able to do much of over the years.  

All of this running around is beginning to tell on me. 

 I'm feeling it and I'm not liking it.

      Last night we had two committments back-to-back. They were both quite fun, but I was definitely feeling the fatigue of it all. 

Then a conversation about the fact that I was wearing my contacts instead of my glasses 

(no-line bifocals.....did I really just admit that?) 

was the cause of not being able to see what I was doing, 

led to one of the mom's mentioning that she did not want to get bifocals yet, 

which led to another mom saying something that caused me to say.....

"You're not even thirty yet are you?" 

"Not 'til next year"....and then the first mom mentioned that she would be forty soon..... Sigh.  

I'm the old mom. I'm forty-six. One of them said, "Oh, but you have so much wisdom!" 

     This morning the thought came to me that when I had my first child, 

this "not 30" mom was 4 years old and that

 when I began homeschooling, 

she would have been about eleven! 

Yikes! 

Why does my mind insist on conjuring up these facts for me?  

 Forty-six doesn't really sound too old, but I can remember when I was the youngest mom in nearly every social situation.

 I started my family in my early twenties and I kept it up.....so, now my "littles" are the same age as these mom's "olders". 

It's disconcerting to me, especially since I feel older than I suspect that I should.

     The fact is, eighteen years is a long time to do anything (especially homeschooling) and I am finding that sometimes it is just a matter of will to get this gal to keep going. 

At the same time, my "babies" are not babies at all, they are "tweens" and teens......geesh! 

Am I that old? It's weird because I'm doing things with other moms whose "oldest" kids are the same ages as my "babies".

     I understand that I have emotions that want to surface when I see these young moms with their "littles"......

What do I call my "littles" since they are no longer little?

I realize that I'm in a new "stage of life" (I really don't like that phrase at all) and that it won't be too long until I get to the "grandma stage" and all the wonders of grandchildren.  

But for now, I'm still one of the homeschool moms driving her kids to homeschool group activities and wanting nothing more than a long uninterrupted sleep.....for say...... a week for starters.  

For example, this last week alone we have left early in the morning and not returned until late at night several days in a row which has led to another time-tested reality that I'm really beginning to feel the full force of its existence.

      I have stated and will re-emphasize that I am a Homebody.....

I like to be home. 

It has been a long and established fact that when a person is not at home all day, little faeries enter the house and wreak havoc everywhere.  

They unmake beds, throw dust all around, pile up trash and throw clean clothes and dirty clothes in baskets together and dirty up the sinks.  

You would think that the old stories about elves finishing the shoemaker's work were true ones, but I'm sorry to say they are not. 

There are only wicked faeries who come in and mess everything up especially when you have to be gone for several days in a row. 

Of course, they also eat all the good things in the pantry and fridge knowing that you will be too exhausted to shop for groceries and will settle for toast or whatever odd thing you can concoct.

     I did find the energy to make a list of all the cleaning duties that need to be accomplished to get things back in order. 

But, I'm afraid that is as far as I've gotten. 

 I know all about the wonderful websites that will organize your life in 15 minutes a day, but I am not wired that way. 

I have to go all out and get it all done or it will nag at me. 

I'm not talking about entering the dark recesses of the closets in this house, 

oh no, 

I'd just like the clutter to be out of sight and I don't have the stamina to look at it much longer.

     It is another known fact that clutter is simply "visual  noise".  I don't tolerate noise well these days and everything in my line of vision is 

simply screaming.

 It must be stopped! I suspect that much of the fatigue I'm feeling is the actual drain of seeing so much to do and trying to muster the energy to attack it. 

Talking about what needs done is not always helpful, but writing about it in a public forum just might do the trick. 

 I seem to work better under pressure.  

If you'd like to come over for coffee,

 I am sure that I'd find the energy to clean it up in a heartbeat.......

but I'd still be exhausted and pay for it with aches and pains later.

     I know that I have to come to terms with this "stage" of life.....

I'm in my forties......

I haven't been the young mom in the group for a while.......

I know that I may have more wisdom now than when I was younger, but I can't always remember exactly what it is and I definitely don't want gray hair to prove it.  

I know that like every other stage of life, there are survival techniques that must be implemented.... and for now, I have to work out a better arrangement for staying on top of things if we are to be running hither and yon all the time. 

I know that you have to grow your own "good faeries" who will help you keep things in order and training them young is of vital importance. When my good faeries grow up and leave I will be in big trouble!

 Along with age comes health issues. We can't ignore them. We can't wish them away. We have to learn to work with them and try not to be bitter about what they take from us, like our feeling of youth. But such are common to Man. 

So we have to push on.

     Thankfully, the activities for this semester are winding down. I am glad. Because we all know what is lurking coming up around the corner.....Thanksgiving and Christmas! 

     I think  it is time for Home Ec.....where are those dusting rags??