Okay, Okay, Okay...
I haven't written anything since June...
it is now September...
And since I have proved that I can read a calendar, I had planned to come over here and cheat by just using this post from five years ago.
Because, today is "that day".
Even after the past three birthdays,
I still have not come to terms with the big 5-0 and now I'm 5-2 which is also my height when I stop doing my yoga stretches.
I'm having some issues with this mid-life stuff.
Watching my family navigate the new universe of having a previously somewhat independent lady of 93 years become totally dependent and unable to communicate has forced me to think about some things that I would normally brush aside.
This is also the year that my special needs child becomes a special needs "adult" and so future thinking and decision making has been on my mind and I have been very efficient at brushing those thoughts aside.
The Bible says that "there is nothing new under the sun" and "every temptation is common to man". I know I am not the only one who is wondering how in the world I went to sleep when I was 15 and woke up 50 something.....
Grandma is still fighting and adjusting to her situation. She has a new room with a roommate. She has friends and family coming to see her.
She celebrated her 93rd birthday a month ago.
If I inherited her birthday genetics, then I've got a whopping 40 more years to do stuff...
so why the melancholy?
It is a bit unsettling for those of us who dislike change to find ourselves on the cusp of a new phase in life.
I remember high school graduation and the happy anticipation and conflicting emotions of "what comes next"?
Then I remember the excitement of getting married...and then the babies came...and I was so very, very busy.
My "baby" turned 17 this year.
I still have kids at home in high school.
And I have seven grandchildren
(the Aunt Bea picture in my head doesn't compute with the 20-30 year old me that I still think I should be).
It is a strange sensation
to feel time go so slowly while you are waiting to grow up...
and then move so quickly as you ride that rollercoaster down and around and over and under all the stuff that living a life involves...
and then just when you think you might be getting the hang of it,
you are grown up and you think,
"Wait a minute!"
I can see that tunnel on the curve up ahead
and I have no idea what is inside of it or beyond.
But, now I'm older and not as trusting of the future and not as quick to adjust as I used to be
and so I find myself wanting to get off this ride and go to one that is more familiar.
Perhaps, it's just me who feels this way?
The Bible does not lie.
What has been is what will be,
and what has been done is what will be done;
there is nothing new under the sun.
(Ecclesiastes 1:9 HCSBFree)
So, I think I will try to embrace this new phase where my kids don't need me in the same way any longer. I will try to learn wisdom from those who have 40 years of experience beyond mine.
And I will keep trying to look forward and up instead of downward and back trying to see if my youth is somewhere back there.
Because, the Bible tells me that...
12 Wisdom is with the aged,
and understanding in length of days.
(Job 12:12 ESV)
and also that...
13 “With God are wisdom and might;
he has counsel and understanding.
(Job 12:13 ESV)