28 February 2011

The Silent Time

One- sixth of the new year has 
passed in silence 
on this blog.  

Not, of course, in my life. 
 I told someone that I had nothing to say, 
but that isn't really true.  
There are just some things that seem to have captured my attention and have taken my coherent thoughts from me.

For me, lately, it has been chronic pain.  Sometimes searing, sometimes dull. 
 Always there.  
Enough to bring tears of exhaustion
 and self- pity.  
Enough to bring shame
 and self-reproach. 

Many good things have been happening. 
 A new grandbaby.  
Another on the way. 

Homeschool lessons and music lessons, 
driving lessons and  life lessons........

But this nagging fatigue......
and non-answers from medical tests.......

This spiritual slump 
in the midst of needing to get it together 
because people are
 depending on me...

Even the excitement
 of some new "toys" falls flat 
and I realize that 
something about that is not right...

Perhaps, it is the result of too much winter...
although, I do not dislike winter.

Perhaps, it is the result of too much isolation...
though I see many people each week.

Perhaps, it is just a season that will pass 
if I don't get too caught up in reflection...

Perhaps, it is just physical...
and the temptation to feel like a spiritual wimp 
is really just an excuse 
to give in to lethargy.

Maybe, you've been there. 
 Maybe, you are there now.

Maybe, it is okay to just 
keep walking in silence for a while.

photo scenes from this winter by debbie richardson

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