06 April 2010

A Needed Word



The weekly physical therapy appointment gives an hour to catch up on grading papers.


 Not much was done last week because I was not here to oversee it.
 Not much was understood because I was not here to explain it. 
Instead, my time was diverted by a child whose needs seem to be growing every day.


I fight against frustration over the fact that I have to deal with it at all. 
I blink back tears as I try to solve the problem of catching people up and keeping them on track while attending to the multiplying needs of one child and all the other things that I must do. 
I find I'm chasing that rabbit down his trail and he is running at the speed of light and 
I cannot keep up.

It.       Is.      Just.    Too.     Much.

How do I do this? Why can't I seem to juggle things? Why don't I do this well enough?

Lord, show me what to do!

I open the Gideon Bible that is lying on the table in the waiting area. Okay, Lord.....which part is where you tell the mother of a developmentally delayed child how to deal with the daily frustration of repeating instructions over and over?  
Where is the  chapter on getting rid of frustration and putting in compassion? 
 How  -- specifically-- How do I get this child to do routine things every day that must be done without following her around? 
This is more than the usual reminders all kids need.....this  is HARDER and 
I DON'T want to do this!

I tell the therapist the latest diagnosis of a new problem we are dealing with as she takes me back to show me how to do the special taping to help weak muscles work. 
Only one more appointment and then I'm on my own.... it is up to me to tape, do the exercises, keep it going. 

I will not cry.            

I will not cry.


 I find it hard to smile.  I force kind words.

I feel wretched.... 
what a horrible mom I must be....
but I really can't do this and admitting that is hardest and most humiliating of all.

Thoughts race around about working with the other kids during summer.....catching them up....

How can it be done?

Lord?

Can you hear me?

It is a beautiful day today, but all my energy is sapped now. So much needs to be done to take care of my "other job" of keeping house.
 I sit down and read these words on a daily flip calendar dated April 6



"God alone, who calls you to your task, will help you to know where the balance lies as you weigh your responsibilities before Him, and pray and trust."  ~Elisabeth Elliot

and then these words:

"Commit your way to the LORD; trust in him and he will do this: He will make your righteousness shine like the dawn, the justice of your cause like the noonday sun."  Psalm 37:5-6


He hears me!

He sees me!

He loves me!




7 comments:

  1. My daughter has DS, and because we were blessed to have her therapists come to the house and do all requisite taping for us, I *totally* sympathize with your feelings of being overwhelmed. I don't know how I would have done it...but just like you, I know I would have found a way. God bless.

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  2. He does hear us, no matter where we are right that moment. Isn't it beautiful...He HEARS...He LOVES!

    Your words encouraged this heart this afternoon.
    Thank you for sharing. For being honest.

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  3. Thank you for choosing to be vulnerable here, sharing your heart. I am sending a prayer up for your family and thanking God for the gold I see already refined in you.

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  4. Thank you for such an open post...reminds me a little of what I am feeling today...only on a much different platform. I will be praying for you and your family.

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  5. Sometimes that's all we need, to know we hold His attention. Blessings to you.

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  6. You can do it mom! :) Just keep your chin above the water... You are amazing and super talented... Just keep it up :) i love you mom!

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