On Monday around supper time, the kids and I were leaving the elementary school where we attend Good News Club.
On the way home, I started looking for the small little card holder that I had brought with me which held my license, insurance cards, bank cards, etc......
It Was Gone!
So back to the school to search again.......nothing.
We went through the car.....over and over again......nothing.
I drove to the store where we had stopped on the way to pick up some things for our class........nothing.
I checked with the neighboring store, in case I'd dropped it in the parking lot.....nothing.
Of course, we were praying to find it.
Of course, I came home and asked others to pray to find it.
Of course, we took the car nearly apart to find it.
I even looked in my mailbox just in case someone had found it in a parking lot and brought it to my house....
Of course, it was not there.
Then, I did what any responsible person would do.......I cancelled my bank card. I really hated to do that because it takes a week to get another one. I didn't have any cash.
I had planned to stop at the grocery store to buy food for supper on the way home but I couldn't get cash. As I was speaking to the man who was going to cancel my card for me, I started to feel the emotion rising in my voice and the tears began to fall.
He told me to go to the bank in the morning and get cash......
then I cried, "But I don't have any identification!"
I started to fall apart.
so it happens......
it is a pain.......
you cancel cards,
get new ones.....
go to the DMV and get a new license
(but gee whiz, I really liked my photo on my license and now they won't let you smile anymore....at least in Indiana)......
He assured me that I could answer security questions and that the bank was used to these types of things.
Then I called my husband to see if our FSA cards had different numbers or the same (this is a handy little card that you can purchase medicines, etc from a special savings account).
I had to cancel that too because if someone did have my card and knew how to use it, they could wipe out that account.....
so I called and cancelled it.
My husband assured me that it was alright.
The lady on the phone assured me that I was doing the right thing......
I just got more emotional.
So here I was, crying over lost cards that were now secure against any unknown thieves. It had been about one hour from the time I discovered my card holder was missing.
I don't know why things like this bother me so much.
Really, was it life or death?
Had I not just done the responsible thing?
Wasn't it just a nuisance at this point?
Why did I so easily fall into feeling like
a "bad" person?
Why do the emotions think they can just run away and do what they like?
I was absolutely sure that God knew where it was.
I was absolutely sure
that I would either find it
I wouldn't find it.
Okay, I know that is obvious......
but really, my emotions were doing their thing and that was most annoying of all.
It was handled......time to get on with things.
I called the teacher of the classroom I used and asked him to keep a look- out for me.
Around 8:50pm I looked at the clock and realized I would need to pick up my older son from drama practice and since it was chilly,
I would need my jacket.
Where was my jacket?
I wore the jacket to school but did not wear it home. I was wearing it in the store. I was sure my little purse was in my jacket pocket.
I called the teacher back and asked him to look the next morning.
Of course, it was there.
Of course, I only remembered it
I had cancelled the bank cards.
Of course, even after I remembered the jacket and felt very sure it was there,
all the emotions flooding my mind and body left and I slept peacefully and soundly........
I was so worked up that I slept very poorly.
I got the affirmative answer early the next morning, but felt so badly that it was nearly noon before I picked up my "important" missing items. Then to the bank, where I applied for a new card, got some cash.....
then to the grocery store.....
I was still emotionally drained.
All for a missing brown leather wallet just large enough to hold a driver's license, some other plastic cards and some folded up dollar bills.
Hours of peace left me.
Annoyance filled me.
I thought of two things........
First, my emotions still lie to me.
Even when I think I know how to handle things,
I am surprised to find that I am not always able to quiet my soul enough to listen.
I am sure that if I had stopped looking and really LISTENED after I prayed, that the Holy Spirit would have reminded me sooner than He did.
I remembered only after I stopped scurrying around and just "did the next thing" which was to go get my son from drama practice.
Second, I knew that it was really gone.
It was important to find it, but it was not going to be a tragedy if I did not find it.
I had searched and searched, like the woman who lost her valuable coins.
This reminded me that God seeks out those who are lost. People are more valuable than money. And though we might not know where to find those people, God knows exactly where they are. Searching involves time and effort and prayer.....and sometimes tears.
Oh Lord, that I would learn......really learn......that there are no surprises to you. And that I would learn, really learn to walk in your Spirit and not in my flesh of fear.